Difficult People

It's been a long time since I've been able to sit down and blog....

It has been difficult month. Difficult People were all around. 

I have a very high performance job, constantly multi-task and make quick difficult decision. It is stressful at its best and overwhelming at times.  I work in a large company and I'm used to people stabbing me in the back, gossiping and forming alliances as part of their politics. The gossip I try to avoid when it's malicious.  Often it’s a sign of immaturity or someone trying to make themselves look good to everyone around. 

Do you ever wonder how an encounter with some one can spin out of control so quickly? I am always amazed by how quickly it happens and always there is gossip in the mix.  I begin to doubt my own perceptions.   

I feel thrown totally off balance by these people who are playing games.  I actually wondered if I am crazy, but no I'm a nice person.  Right?  See how my psych has been knocked off kilter? 

Fact is manipulation comes in many forms: There are whiners. There are bullies, those who are Passive Aggressive. There are the unreasonable. Not to forget the highly judgmental - Or the out-and-out sociopath. But they often have one thing in common: They provoke, and then make you feel you have no reason to react—and it's your fault entirely to begin with!  This is when you find yourself sitting there trying to understand what just happened…..

Now I’m feeling deeply discounted, and powerless, while having to abandon the original aim of an interaction is a distressing sign you're dealing with a difficult person. No, it's not you. It's them. And it's the emotional equivalent of being run over by a truck. 

So here I am after a few weeks of this behavior.  Why can’t I brush it off?

I can’t brush it off because I didn’t confront it.  I was so focused on the job that needed to get done, and chose to move forward.  Now I’m angry.  This is the third time in a year that this person has worried that some oversight in my activity, a failure to answer an email with a compliment for her, invite her to my meeting or and praise the fact that she did her job was personal.  I have found myself having to defend that it wasn’t about them – as if the activity of my function would be about them. 

First “she said you said”, then “I feel a distance between us”, and “you never compliment me enough.”  Strange because it’s hard to compliment someone who is busy complimenting them and the compliments I give are never enough. 

This behavior is passive aggressive.  Get this one…“You are so amazing at what you do and I know your boss is so proud of you, but I often find it difficult to understand exactly what you need from me.”  Seriously, what am I to do with that?

First, if my boss were proud of me, he would tell me and he does when I go beyond the daily requirements of my job.  I don’t need her to tell me what my boss thinks.    Secondly, what does me being amazing have to do with her finding it difficult to know what I need from her have to do with each other.  Seriously, I don’t need much from her.  When I do I call and ask for help, and I say thank you graciously, BECAUSE I APPRECIATE IT!!!!

But I learned a long time ago that people at work are not always your friends...I can't be responsibility for making sure my co workers get everything they need emotionally. 

Another one was… When I came to your office I expected everything to be a mess, I was pleasantly surprised to find things were in order.  WAS THAT A COMPLIMENT?  Because it didn’t feel like one! 

How about this one, "You made choices to promote someone and it didn't work out so I'm not sure that you are clear in your thinking..."  This is after the person she recommended that I hire and bragged about has just been fired as well!  Hello....

But here was my favorite:  "_______ said they thought you said that you could do what you wanted an my opinion didn't matter"  Honestly I don't think I ever said any such thing....  After racking my brain I'm sure I ever did.  Later she came to my office and said, "Don't tell _______ what I said, I don't want to stir up trouble."  In my head I thought, Then why did you say it? 

Two days of backward compliments and jabs that are wrapped in sugar and my head is spinning.  I feel powerless, wrongly attacked an I’m going to need to work on this and next time so I’ll be prepared. 

I know next time they come to visit, I'll take a vacation :))

Starting Over

Starting over is a scary thing, but if we plan to make changes I suppose that we must be strong enough to start again if you fail.  With the diet I stayed on track until Thursday night.  Didn't eat lunch, or dinner because I got off track focusing instead on work.  Thursday night I fell for a hamburger at 11pm completely famished.  So today I took the time, wrote out a plan, bought lots of veggies, fruit and noodles and whole wheat bread, pasta and some great tea.  Tonight and tomorrow I'm on my game.


If I have any doubt, I need only look at the mountains east of my home and I will realize how much God loves me and wants me healthy and happy.

    The Organ Mountains, east of Las Cruces, NM

Romans 2:7   To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.

New International Version (NIV)

1 Corinthians 9:27  No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

New International Version (NIV)

Maintaining Faith

 “In addition to this, take up the shield of faith by which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (Ephesians 6:16a)
So it has been true, as it has been throughout my life that the more I take up the word from the Holy Bible, the closer I become to my Lord, the more I communicate with the Holy Spirit and listen to him – the more the evil one, or enemies attack. This has never been more evident than this last year and a half. I have heard more lies, seen more people follow other people in blind faith, and see public officials – people I used to believe had the common man’s best interest at heart working their own agenda.

“Ok, Pollyanna you say…this is nothing new, things have never been fair, the good don’t always win and there are no fairy tale endings.” I’ve heard others my whole life sit around and talk about the injustice in the world. I have often participated. You know, we discuss how our taxes unfairly pay for food stamps and provide cash to those that refuse to work. Or other injustices that the general masses understand but really never feel in their own lives. So yes, I knew things were not fair, we have dealt with sickness, financial problems, kids going wayward, but this last year we’ve been overcome with evil, lying people who know no boundary’s but to get what they want and unfortunately the courts have not listened, or understood the complex lies. The problem I’ve faced is not the injustice, but the testing on my faith in Jesus Christ to wrap his loving arms around us and protect our family through it all. This isn’t really new… but I always believed that when you went to court and the liars were called out, their lies proved, someone would give a hoot and do something about it. For this I thought there would be a consequence. I have prayed on my knees for the truth to be known. There have been small victories where I’ve been able to see God’s hand in our lives. I know that his hand will continue to protect us, and as I find my faith each day, I am growing stronger in Christ and in my relationship with the Holy Spirit.

In the last year and a half as I’ve grown closer to God, talked with him every day, prayed for guidance and faced the hardest parts of my life, the evil has attacked without stopping. I read that Jesus referred to some people as snakes. Now I know what he meant. And believe me, snakes live among us today just as they did in the Old and New Testament.

Today I read from Isaiah 59 the story of the people who thought God no longer heard their prayers; they believed they had been forgotten. But they were told, “Your talk is filled with lies and plans for violence; every finger on your hand is covered with blood. You falsely accuse others and tell lies in court; sin and trouble are the names of your children. You eat the deadly eggs of poisonous snakes, and more snakes crawl out from the eggs left to hatch.” Isaiah 59:3-5

Then, in Isaiah 59:9-15 the people confessed their sins. This prompted the Lord to rescue his people… “When the Lord noticed that justice had disappeared he became very displeased. It disgusted him even more to learn that no one would do a thing about it. So with his own powerful arm he won victories for truth. Justice was the Lord’s armor; saving power was his helmet; anger and revenge were his clothes.

This was only one time that our Lord, mighty and strong, dependable and loving protected his people. Sometimes we can’t feel him, but when we confess our sins, listen to his word and stay aligned with his desire for our lives, he will always be there with armor and helmet to protect us from evil.

Tonight I’m going to hit my knees and ask, plead, and beg for God to forgive me for my sins, because I have thought of ways to protect myself from the evil in my life in ways that could have hurt others, I’m going to listen carefully as he speaks to me, and ask for wisdom for the judges, and other officials who have been transfixed by the evilness of others so that God’s will is done and I will hope and pray that I can be used to do his work and become a light to those who need to see a child of God calm and trusting under pressure.

Originally published by Brenda Allred in blog titled "Grangoose"  November 2011

Overwhelmed but on track - Day 2

"This past has flown away. The coming months and year do not exist.  Ours only is the present's tiny point." Mahmud Shabistari 

As a child I drove everyone crazy asking "What if...?"  To begin with my "what ifs" were a product of an imagination that couldn't stop figuring out the world around.  Not necessarily a bad trait more of a creative process that provided me with the skills to solve problems outside the box.  Both because my parents encouraged problem solving and creative thinking and because of the practice my early "What ifs" provided a strong critical thinking and creative thinking pattern that has served me well. 


But, somewhere along the way my "What ifs" became dangerous. As my life became more complicated, I tried to use the process to anticipate what other people would do and how problems could be resolved.  The problem is that these problems were beyond my control and having no control, the "What ifs" were nothing more than worry.


I've learned that when I allow myself to worry I open Pandora's box of self criticism, doubting voices of the past, and scary pictures of a future that more than likely will never occur.  The mental static that occurs from this is not productive.  To break this cycle it is important to focus on this moment.  This process will rescue me from the "what ifs" and "should haves" that can drowned my soul.  A drowned soul cannot follow God's will much less have a happy life full of the joys each day brings.


In the days that come I pledge to use my "What ifs" to solve problems of which I have control and not use them in toward guessing what others may or may not do to effect the outcome.  This way I am taking responsibility but not worrying.


From Grandpa "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life ?"  Matthew 6:27

Diet is going well.  Breakfast Oatmeal, Lunch Scalloped Potatoes and Red Chili, and Dinner Pasta with Broccoli, Corn, and tomato sauce, green salad. 


Exercise - OK that didn't happen but tomorrow is another day.


Finances - Redid our insurance to save money on premium.

Completed Day 1

Goals... Debt Free in 3 years, Loose 35 pounds in 2012, Increase my strength and improve exercise, improve health, Iimprove my relationship with God. Day one

So my Chiropractor recommended this book, 21 Day Weight Loss Kickstart:  Boost Metabolism, Lower Cholesterol, and Dramatically Improve Your Health by Neal Barnard.  I really like this doctor and his advice has always been good, so I figured why not.  I got the book a week ago and read it. 

The theory seems to be that if you increase fiber, in the form of veggies, fruits, whole grains and get your protein from beans and other ligaments...eliminate fat, white flour, empty calories, and limit sugar you'll loose weight and increase your overall health. 

When we were children my mother took great care to feed us healthy.  She always used whole grains, lots of veggies and fruit, whole grain noodles, beans, rice and limited meat.  We rarely at sugar and never had sodas, drinking water, milk and tea instead.  My parents always had a huge garden full of all kinds of fresh veggies that we'd eat fresh late summer and early fall, and freeze for use in the winter.  Probably more for economic reasons, we ate little meat and what meat we did eat was spread among 7 plus people in a casserole.  We ate lots of sandwiches made from good whole wheat, rye, and nutty breads, limited fats and never ate things fried.  We were all thin, healthy and never hungry.

I can do this!
So today I started off well.  Oatmeal for breakfast, Veggie Burger for Lunch, and rice and veggie/bean/rice casserole for dinner.  Lots of water throughout the day.  What could I have done better?  Ate fruit for snacks in the morning, and had veggies and whole wheat crackers for an afternoon snack.  They put ranch dressing on the Veggie Burger at lunch, I must remember to ask for something different next time.  What did I learn?  The red chili paste and fresh garlic made tonight's casserole much better, next time use more of the chili paste.

Overall, I can do better, but this is a good start.

During lunch I walked to the restaurant about 15 minutes there and 15 minutes back.  So while I didn't go to the gym, I did walk.

Toward my financial goal, I cut my house cleaner back to once every two weeks, and will probably cancel her services... but oh how hard this will be.  She is awesome.  I spent cash for lunch and cut up all my credit cards tonight. 

Toward my spiritual goals, I studied in the One Minute Promises, day one.

God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ.  Ephesians 2:4-5

This study was a great reminder for me that God loved me when I was at my worst and there is nothing I can do that will diminish His love for me now.  His love is not based on my performance. I don't have to be perfect. Yes he grieves when I sin, but I can still count on His love for me which is constant -- No matter what. 

Thoughts for today...
I must remember that it is my responsibility to solve my own problems with the help of God.  Since God often speaks through other people, I should surround myself with wise people, I should listen to them when they try to talk to me, and even reach out and ask for help but only if I am willing to accept help when I need it. 

"We cannot climb up a rope that is attached only to our own belt."  William Ernest Hocking

 

Kathryn making snow angels at White Sands... The reason to stay on track. 

I got several emails today from people who are Vegan, surprising how many I know and didn't realize that I knew.  They provided me with links.  The one I've had time to read and liked it HappyHerbivore.com/blog.  Here is a promising recipe from that website. 

Ingredients:

• 10 whole lettuce leaves
• 1 whole green bell pepper, seeded and diced
• 1 whole red bell pepper, seeded and diced
• 12 ounces salsa
• 15 ounces chickpeas, drained and rinsed

Instructions:

Combine chickpeas and salsa in a medium sauce pan. Cook over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until all of the liquid has absorbed and the chickpeas have taken on the salsa’s color, about 8 minutes. For best results, refrigerate over night. Spoon chickpeas into lettuce leaves and top with chopped bell pepper pieces. Serve chickpeas at any temperature. (Makes about 8 wraps)

Never had Chickpeas, but I'm going to try them out.  I'll let you know how it goes. 

 

The food plan

For 21 days, I'll follow the Vegan 21 Day Diet  - Forget cheese, meat, milk, fat, oil, white flour, and stick to basic plain food.  (I can do anything for 21 days) 

Focus on the following grains and starches if you have a gluten intolerance:

• Rice: brown, wild, etc.
• Gluten-free pasta
• Buckwheat
• Millet
• Corn
• Potatoes
• Sweet potatoes
• Oats

Load up on other legumes if you have a soy intolerance:

• Beans: black, kidney, lime, pinto, white, mung, adzuki, garbanzo
• Lentils: red, green, black, yellow, brown, French
• Peas: snow peas, snap peas, garden peas
• Rice milk or almond milk, fortified with vitamin B12, calcium, and vitamin D, instead of soymilk

Eat a Variety of vegetables:

• Dark leafy greens are a good source of calcium, with a more absorbable form than cow’s milk
• Broccoli (made up of 33 percent protein!) and other cruciferous vegetables like kale, cabbage, and cauliflower have anti-cancer fighting properties
• Eat the rainbow of veggies: red peppers, yellow squash, carrots, beets, spinach, tomatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, and others

Fill up on fruits:

• Eat any and all fruits you like – the more variety in colors the better
• Think yellow, orange, blue, green, and beyond

Note: It is important to supplement with vitamin B12 or a multivitamin.

Here are some recepies to try. 

Mexican Corn Salad Makes 6 servings 1 15-ounce can corn, drained 1 large cucumber, peeled and diced 1/2 cup finely chopped red onion 1 medium red bell pepper, seeded and finely diced 1 medium tomato, seeded and diced 1/2 cup chopped fresh cilantro 2 tablespoons seasoned rice vinegar 2 tablespoons cider vinegar or distilled vinegar 1 tablespoon lemon or lime juice 1 garlic clove, minced 1 teaspoon ground cumin 1 teaspoon ground coriander 1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper In a large salad bowl, combine corn, cucumber, onion, bell pepper, tomato, and cilantro, if using. In a small bowl, combine vinegars, lemon or lime juice, garlic, cumin, coriander, and cayenne. Pour over the salad and toss gently to mix. Per serving (1/6 of recipe) Calories: 71 Fat: 0.8 g Saturated Fat: 0.1 g Calories from Fat: 10.3% Cholesterol: 0 mg Protein: 2.2 g Carbohydrates: 15.8 g Sugar: 6.2 g Fiber: 2.4 g Sodium: 188 mg Calcium: 22 mg Iron: 1 mg Vitamin C: 47.7 mg Beta Carotene: 455 mcg Vitamin E: 0.5 mg Source: Foods That Fight Pain by Neal Barnard, M.D.; recipe by Jennifer Raymond, M.S., R.D. Simple Bean Tacos Makes 8 tacos These soft-shell tacos are a quick and easy snack or meal. Several companies make vegetarian refried beans. Look for them in natural food stores and many supermarkets. 1 15-ounce can vegetarian refried beans 8 corn tortillas 1/2 - 1 cup Salsa Fresca or commercial salsa 2 cups pre-washed salad mix 3 green onions, chopped 2 tomatoes, chopped Heat beans on the stove or in a microwave. Spread a tortilla with about 1/4 cup of beans, and lay it flat in a non-stick skillet over medium heat. When tortilla is warm and pliable, fold it in half and cook each side 1 minute. Garnish with salsa, salad mix, green onions, and tomatoes. Per taco Calories: 112  Fat: 1 g  Saturated Fat: 0.2 g  Calories from Fat: 8.3%  Cholesterol: 0 mg Protein: 5 g  Carbohydrates: 22.2 g  Sugar: 2.1 g  Fiber: 5.2 g  Sodium: 248 mg  Calcium: 52 mg  Iron: 1.4 mg  Vitamin C: 9.9 mg  Beta Carotene: 642 mcg  Vitamin E: 0.8 mg Source: Healthy Eating for Life to Prevent and Treat Diabetes by Patricia Bertron, R.D.; recipe by Jennifer Raymond, M.S., R.D.

Learning to live a better way

I am 54 years old, and I've had the most wonderful life.  My family is awesome and while they've given me quite a hard time as teen aged boys, they have grown into men that I am so proud of.  I have two grandaughters, Kat and Hayley and they are the joy of my life.  My husband of 34 years has been my best friend and most important person in my life since I was 17.  I know that everything I am is because I have such an awesome God, who has been by my side since I was a child.  He walks with me everyday and helps me to make the right decisions and be the best person I can be on a regular basis. 

One think I have avoided is taking care of my health.  I need to loose about 60 pounds and firm everything up to be healthy.  I have not had the motivation to do anything about this until now.  So while I'm thinking about it and have the energy, I'm going to commit.

Step 1
Get my finances in order.  For this I've talked with my husband and we've written a plan to become debt free in 4 years.  That's when he wants to retire. My committment, to eat at home 5 days a week (this means I cook), cancel my housekeeper, and stay on budget and combine my money with Donny.  That last part will be the hardest for me.  I've always had my own money.  But I can do this. 

Step 2
Loose 35 pounds in 2012.  This is agressive since I love food and have a very busy life, eating on the run from fast food restaurants too often.  But I have a plan and I'm going to try.  21 day kick start diet that is a vegan plan. 

Step 3
Increase my strength and improve exercise, improve health.  I am active, but not in a healthy way.  This year I'm going to start walking, doing some hiking in and around Las Cruces where I live and going to the doctor and following their suggestions.  1.) lower my fat and increase fiber  2.) take medicine as perscribed  3.) Walk three times a week for at least 45 minutes

Step 4
Improve my relationship with God and make sure I'm living the life God has planned for me.  I will start this process by a bible study.  I've joined a church and I commit to attending their classes and activities to ensure I'm on track.  I hope to find someone that can hold me accountable during the 1st half of the year.

What will be in this blog?  Recipies (Vegan), lessons I study on my way toward a better relationship with God, finacial best practices and a journal of my journey toward better health.  I'll also post my fun...  Hiking, cooking, family and discuss the changes as I make them. 

Here's to 2012.  My year of change, feel free to join me if you'd like. 

Last week in addition to going to the gym three times for long walks on a treadmill, my family and I hiked around Las Cruces.  Then on Saturday we went to White Sands for some exercise.  Tyler took Kat on the sled (actually a snow board with one of the foot brackets removed) and a picture of a tree on a walk earlier in the week east of Las Cruces.  I also went to the doctor for a complete blood work up and check up, and a chiropractor to have an adjustment since one leg is longer than the other and I need to get that fixed to enjoy walking this year.  Both appointments I had put off for over a year.